First step of the rest of my life?

I've just taken the first step toward leaving my job -- a job that has spawned untold amounts of anger and self-hate -- and I'm terrified.

For the first time in my life, I don't know what I'm going to do next.

My company is doing buyouts, and I'm taking them up on it.

I tell people it's like a no-fault divorce: They can't get mad at me for leaving and, well, I get to leave, no hard feelings.

But beyond that, I don't know what's next. I don't have another job lined up (which should tell you something about the job I'm leaving, that it's so bad, I'm willing to leave it before even having a safety net), and outside of moving home, I don't really have a lot of plans.

This is the first time in my entire life that I didn't have a move plotted.

From the time I was a child, my parents talked about college. When I was in college, it was known that I was expected to go to graduate school. I had started grad school when I lucked into my first professional job.

And from there on out, I've gotten up every day and gone to work.

And that's how I saw the rest of my life playing out.

Now I don't know what the next 5 or 10 years hold.

Hell, I'm not even sure about next year.

I know this is going to be healthier for me -- there's only so much abuse a person can take from managers -- but right now I'm a little terrified.